Day 53 - Rum on the beach

The day wasn't too eventful, however Catherine and I wandered along the edge of the cliffs looking for a place to hire bicycles. As we walked and talked the subject of how travelling changes you came up, apparently her sense of direction and ability to know her way around somewhere has become like a sixth sense...we never did find the bicycle hire place. We had lunch at a place I later found out was called 'Black Beach', so called as it was a Beach, that was black, during this lunch we formed a plan to raid the alcohol shop later on and see if the rest of the hostel was interested in a cheeky drinking session.

Catherine and Mark, a Londoner that has just finished a tour of Africa and I hopped in a Tuk Tuk later that evening.
I'm starting to think that it isn't madness, that causes the massive smile, it is just the atmosphere and the people. Everyone is smiling, and Catherine could model for Colgate with her grin and Mark was continuously chatting to everyone and smiling.. By now the Hostel is swelling with new 'recruits' a drunken Australian, an English guy called Mark, a Finnish couple, and an American weasily turd.

Catherine is a great sport and 'volunteered' to be pushed in to the front of the queue, she had an order for 10 bottles of rum, and 8 bottles of beer, this was going to make her look like the biggest alcoholic there, but it didn't seem to bother her too much for some reason. Mark came along for the experience, and was taking pictures of the faces of the people that were in the queue as we waltzed to the front emptied the shop of a large portion of its stock and left without a care in the world. In stark contrast to the people in the queue there was going to be some happy people back at the hostel. About 11 of us began drinking and slowly migrated to the beach in our swimming shorts knowing full well that we'd be jumping about in the sea, drunk, dicing with death every time a wave broke over our heads. Great fun.

A wave, I was trying to be arty

This is what Catherine looks like when she joins the communal area before her morning fruit juice.

Day 52 - A pot of beer

We all met and headed to the beach for a jump about in the sea, within 15 minutes of jumping into the waves and the churning sea I spotted an Indian girl swimming in my direction (the beach) but going backwards, I waded over asking if she was ok, it was rhetorical, she was clearly a little worried and every wave that went over here took her further away from the shore. I grabbed her arm and within moments Nicky had grabbed her other arm, we pulled her into the shore and coughing and looking worn out she thanked us and wandered off. It wasn't long before Hilary was in and jumping about like a mad woman, she also looked like she was in over her head and struggling, but she seemed to be enjoying it, I'm pretty sure she's slightly mad, she is smiling all the time.
The morning was whiled away and a board meeting was called to discuss the lunch options, after a lengthy discussion about the pros and cons of climbing the 200 stairs, we found a place on the beach that sold beer.

Selling beer requires a license in Kerala something very few people bother getting. So, to cover up their heinous crime they put their beer in a tea pot and give you mugs, it is genius and no policeman will ever work this out. It's the best cup of tea I have ever had ! As we walked back the sun started to set, so, with my expert eye and camera skills, I began to get people posing like they were holding the sun. Classic stuff.

I see this every evening

Hildog drenched in sunset

Hilary, Me, Nicky, Albert having a cheeky cup of tea.

Hilary and Nicky throwing some gang signs.

We all met for dinner and during the conversation Hilary told us about a small scar she had on her chest just below her collar bone, there was a mini defibrillator inserted under the skin. One day during high school her heart stopped and thanks to the fast work of people in the school and medics, she was saved. She spent weeks in a coma, and to prevent it happening again she had the defibrillator installed. She said the thought that she could have died left her with a massive appreciation for life. It explained a lot. In a way she is lucky, people go through life without appreciating a sunset, or the feeling of waves crashing over you.

Day 51 - Coffee and chatting day

With no real plan in mind I said goodbye to Peruvian in the morning, and 'Frenchy' and I headed out for breakfast, we craved a 'good' coffee, and didn't get it with our breakfast so after eating and chatting for ages we headed somewhere else to get something a little more fancy. I'd happily have a cup of instant but 'Frenchy' is a little more cultured than me. I should point out that 'Frenchy' isn't actually French, he is Moroccan, he speaks about 5 languages, including Arabic, and while everyone is different, he is one of the most interesting people I have ever met.

He told me stories about travelling, couch surfing, work, dating, everything. They all had me in stitches. Half the time he didn't appear to be trying it was just his French chilled way. Once we had found a place to get another coffee, we sat down and had a fruit juice. It wasn't long before my request for a WiFi code got us both chatting to a woman next to us from Boulder, Colorado. She was travelling all around India and, like me, writing a blog ! See it here ! My misconceptions about the Americans were shattered as her passion for travelling became apparent, as well as her general passion for life, it was inspiring, and made me reflect on the journey that led me here. The three of us chatted for hours till the sun set and we began to head back to our respective hostels, this is where we met Nikki, and Albert, Malta's answer to The Chippendales. The two of them appeared to be touring around India teasing every gay guy they saw by being friendly and approachable, they aren't gay but they had story after story of gay people offering them cheap drinks, places to stay etc. I obviously teased them about this. Especially Albert.

They were drinking cocktails and as we walked past the restaurant we all got chatting and before long we were all sat on the beach drinking beers and talking till the beers ran dry and I started repeating jokes. We arranged to meet in the morning and 'do' breakfast.

Hilary chomping on something that requires inspection.

Albert showing his displeasure at something

Nikki (Wolverine) looking smooth, beli

What a random day. It appears that, while I may talk a lot, I think I have met my match, everyone had a story or three to share, it was great.

Day 50 - The beach

Day out at the beach, hanging out with 'Peruvian' and 'Frenchy' a couple of guys that, to protect the innocent, will have their names masked. We all hung out at the beach, slowly got burnt and eventually headed to a cafe for a beer and a bite to eat. Talk seems to revolve around 'the rating system,' all men will know what the rating system is, however it is what a man will give a woman out of 10, it appears that the rating system varies from continent to continent.

Peruvian -
1-10, however the rating has to be a very strictly applied, several minutes can go by as Peruvian decides between a 6.3 and a 6.4 on the women hotness rating, there is subsets of categories too, MILF etc... very sexist, but hilarious. He would spend a couple of minutes looking at the back of a woman, saying "5.5 - 6, depending on her face," he'd then wait for the unsuspecting person to turn around before adjusting the score based on her face, hooter, eyes etc. In some cases he'd reserve some points for nice personality and various life skills, he's not shallow after all. When he'd describe a woman or a situation with a woman, he sounded like he was describing the finest meal he had ever had, the touch, the senses would go into overload, he'd also start losing his ability to speak English, and would break into Spanish as he continued to make sure I knew how great he thought Brazilian women were for instance.Very Latin American.

Frenchy -
Like he had been created from the essence of a typical French man, with the added Mediterranean look of a Moroccan, he had a different system. He'd take a look at the unsuspecting female and say 'how many times he ...would' a horrible kangorillapig would waddle by the restaurant and he'd say "Just one time," I of course fell off my chair with laughter. If an attractive person walked by he'd say "all week," typical French ! When asked what he missed about home he said Wine and Cheese.

He was hilarious, and, ignoring the hilarity of his rating system, very interesting. He promoted the idea of Couch surfing. Something I'd look into at some point. Unfortunately Peruvian was leaving the following day but we thought we'd hit the beach hard. During the day we'd also met up with an Indian guy so he was joining the team.

Beach and surf

A Peruvian guy

The view from a cafe

Day 49 - I have a plan - Varkala

I did it, I booked a non A/C 2nd class carriage to Varkala. It was about £3 for the 4 hour train ride. It was a 'sleeper carriage' so I should be able to get some kip if I want to... First things first, I need to get to the train station and also to be there before 10:10. This would mean a walk through Tuk Tuk infested streets, I'd be constantly saying "NO I DON'T WANT A TUK TUK", "NO THANKS", "NO I DON'T WANT A BONGO DRUM". I said cheereo to the guys at the hotel and wandered down the street. I passed a cash point on the way and topped up my non existent funds. 10,000 rupees, the machine dished out some nice crisp 1,000 notes, great. The ferry ride was 4 rupees, it was first thing in the morning so nobody had change. I decided to ask someone white if they had change, a German man and his daughter said that they could manage to simply pay for my ferry fare. Oddly enough in the 15 minute ride, they mentioned the swastiker twice, and also Hitler in separate non related conversations. As soon as the boat docked I goose stepped off  to get some smaller change.

When I arrived at the station I had an hour wait for my train to arrive, I was on the last carriage, it was about a mile long. As I made my way along I saw businessmen sat in comfortable chairs, then the same but with bars on the windows, then benches with bars. The people looking out like cattle on their way to be mixed with some horse meat to end up in a badly made Lasagne. I continued along till I too was getting on the cattle truck and looking out. With no health and safety in India, you can open the train door and sit on the steps and watch the world go by, I opted for staying in the carriage, if I fell off I'm sure my travel insurance wouldn't cover 'being stupid'.

The train ride was nice, the view is amazing, I don't think I'll take another plane in India, there is too much to see out the window. On arrival in Varkala I got a taxi to "where all the tourists go" I was driven to a place that is owned by a brother of the taxi driver, it was ok, but I hadn't seen where I was, hadn't got my bearings and hadn't consulted hostelbooker or trip advisor... I wasn't making the same mistake as Goa ! I wandered towards the sea, and there it was... The best view so far, tourists with backpacks a great sunset and bars and hostels all over the place. I sat down got the WiFi code, and the best place that came up was the Vendata, part of a small new chain of backpacker places, it had great reviews and wasn't too far away from the seafront. I smashed a Byriani and headed to it. On arrival I was shown an Air conditioned marble 6 bed dorm, WiFi was everywhere, and within minutes of arriving a Peruvian guy called Alfonso was saying hello and inviting me for a wander down the beach for a beer. Nice guy ! We spent the rest of the afternoon and evening having the odd beer, some food and chatting to other random people. This is more like it !

Oh nearly forgot to mention the room is 300 rupees a night. About £3.60. Love this place.

A local watching the world fly by

Another demonstration of the health and safety, a pedestrian crossroad

Knobbly knees

This is the view from someone sitting in my carriage looking at me...as you do.

Day 47 - Lauras off

Woke up late, had brunch, then went and organised a taxi, went out in the evening to get a bottle of Rum. I sent Laura into the queue and she was ushered to the front of the queue ! Instead of the guy saying "MONEY!" he said "What can I get you?" and she, in typical women style, changed her mind about 20 times umm'ed and arr'ed and eventually picked a couple of bottles of their finest dark rum. It tasted a little like tramps wee, but surprisingly after the 2nd or 3rd glass I didn't really mind. It had an after taste, which reminded me of the smell of the air that comes out of an inner tube.

Laura taking advantage of the fact that women jump the queue when getting boozed up

Laura bartering with the government run 'wine shop'

This is what Rum does to me, even before drinking !

Day 46 - Pool day

We found out that the hotel next door but one had a pool and, for about £5 you can sit relax and sun bathe there all day, there isn't much else to do in Fort Cochin, so it was a welcome cool oasis to do pretty much nothing in. We had a couple of bottles of cold water, some nice fruit smoothies and popped across the road for an egg Biryani.

For some reason we were both shattered and we didn't get much achieved, we'd wander about head back to the pool do some swimming then when the heat was too much we'd grab a cold drink again. We had a team meeting and after some deliberation decided that a night out was a little too much in out delecate state, we opted for a night playing cards, while I plopped a film on the computer. The film of choice was the Inbetweeners as Laura for some reason hasn't seen a single film that anyone normal has seen. The evening was nice, she cheated at cards making rules up (Rummy - the Aces is high OR low, not BOTH), anyway like the gentleman that I am, I lost gracefully ;-)

Tomorrow was going to be Laura's last night so we decided to get a cheeky Rum in and have a slightly more outgoing night.

Day 45 - To the 'chilliout' beach bar.

We decided that a day at the beach is just what the doctor ordered, as we hadn't been at one for a few days, well, one to be exact. After 30 seconds research at the hotel reception desk we found that the best place to go was the beach we had already been to. This would mean a quick ferry, and a 35 minute trip on a rickshaw, this trip was slightly more eventful as the main road on Vyppen island was being prepared for a load of temple celebrations. This meant that there was elephants !!!!


When we arrived at Cochin Beach we headed straight to the ChilliOut beach house, a bamboo hut with tables laid out. The whole thing is literally on the beach, and run by a guy that is half French, half Portuguese half Romanian. Not sure how his mum and dad managed that. The part of the beach that he ran was pretty quiet, not too many pervs, just a few. We stayed there till the sun went down, chatting to a Californian woman that worked for a Radio station and grew Weed in her spare time. In fact her 'grow' was so important that she was leaving in a week to tend to the new crop. She needed to start planting the new seedlings. As you do.

On the way home the rickshaw had to stop as the roads were closed, there was drummers and people dancing in the streets. Random people were coming up to me and shaking my hand there was a good atmosphere. We had to get to the pier to get the last ferry, and luckily despite not knowing the time, we arrived in time for the last one. Once back at the hotel I took a shower and put on dry clothes. I had been in damp swimming shorts all day. We went to get food and everything was closed. I settled for some "Lays" masala crisps and some peanuts.

Elephant transport

Elephant being transported to the temple

The elephants are granted a cheeky meal before the celebrations start

This was my view while updating my blog... horrible wasn't it?!

After a day blogging, porpoising in the sea, sun bathing and talking crap a cheeky 'sangria' went down very nicely.